See me!

I know what you see when you look at me. I know the thoughts that flit through your mind as you watch me go through my day to day. You judge me by my neatly styled hair, perfectly made-up face and my shiny polished nails. You have me all figured out by the car I drive and the job I have, after all, only certain girls work in banks. I have it all together you think, I mean just look at me! Look how I walk with my head held high, my stride purposeful, my personality larger than life.

Her life must be so perfect, she couldn’t possibly have struggles. Other people have trials, but not her; no she has it all and then some.

What does she know about being so broke that she can barely find a meal? What does she know about rummaging through every piece of clothing in her closet searching pockets to see if maybe she left some loose change behind by accident? What does she know about feelings of loneliness so overwhelming that she doesn’t even want to get out of bed? What does she know about bottling up her feelings because she doesn’t trust that baring her soul and being vulnerable will be met with compassion and understanding? What does she know about being human?

She can’t possibly know what it feels like to have her heart broken, or her feelings treated with scant regard. She can’t know the feelings of betrayal and rejection, nope not her. See how strong she is? See how brightly she smiles? That’s the face of a woman who has life easy, that girl has it all covered!

I won’t tell them that I cry sometimes when I’m alone and it’s just us two. I won’t tell them that I question my worth and worry that I am not good enough. I won’t tell them that there are parts of me that remain hidden for safekeeping because I fear being taken advantage of. I won’t tell them how deeply I feel things and that I am more emotional than I seem. No I won’t tell them. Let them continue to judge me and assume they know all about me by what they think they see.  Let them carry around their pre-conceived notions about who they think me to be. Let them make up stories in their heads about what it’s like to walk a mile in my size nine stilettoes. No I won’t tell them.

‘But blessed are your eyes because they see’- Matt 13:16

XOXO,

Trish.